I’m sure I’m opening a can of worms on this one, but fuck it, I don’t care. DieHipster.com sucks.

I should first state that I more or less agree with their overall message. It’s true that hipsters a huge drain on this city and are making it a pretty terrible place. I roll my eyes and scoff at hipsters when I see them on the train, at shows, or just generally loitering around. But my main problem with the site is that it’s not fucking funny or clever. There’s definitely a way to make fun of the hipsters and to do it in a way that’s hilarious, but the guy (woman?) who runs DieHipster is just about as unfunny as you can get. Further, it’s not even original anymore, it’s just the same tired lines about how hipsters don’t shower and they have beards and mustaches.

Actually, I don’t know who writes the site, so I’ll refer to them as Phineas J. Wolcott, one of the most ironic names I can think of. Maybe not. I don’t know. Either way, I’m going to use this little series of mine to talk about Phineas’ posts and why they’re not funny. We’ll see what happens.

Let’s start with low-hanging fruit. Every… whenever, Phineas writes a post called “Today’s hipster beating”. It’s basically fanfic for doing something mean to a hipster. And it’s so funny!!!!! In one of the more recent ones, he wrote:

Today at the park, I saw Blake B. Nasalheimer eating a lettuce sandwich on artisanal 16 grain bread while smothered in SPF 300 sunblock, reading a local indie rock mag printed only for J train riding pioneering emaciated hipsters. So without a moment to spare, I tied his greasy, bed bug ridden,  Spin Doctor beard and hair to the bench and kicked the fucking shit out of him until the police came and took over for me. End of story.

See? It’s funny to.. someone. Hipsters eat artisanal bread and wear sunblock with a high SPF ’cause they’re pale… but then they’re also emaciated. Okay. So then our clever writer somehow holds Blake B. Nasalheimer – clever name! – down long enough to tie his beard to a bench and beats him until the cops come and continue beating him. This, of course, is a persuasive and logical explanation as to why hipsters are a detriment to the cities in which they live. Or maybe it’s just the pitiful writings of someone who couldn’t get a movie exec to read his Hostel IV script, and instead retooled part of it for their blog. Either way, it’s not clever, and it’s not fucking funny.

Look, I love bashing on Glenn Beck as much as the next person. But this one really takes the cake.

On his radio show today, Glenn Beck heralded and promoted the work of Nazi sympathizer Elizabeth Dilling, who spoke at rallies hosted by the leading American Nazi group and praised Hitler. Today, Dilling is heralded by White Supremacists and White Aryans who revere her “fearless” work against Jewish people.

…Dilling has a long history of rabid anti-Semitism, such as calling President Eisenhower “Ike the Kike” and labeling President Kennedy’s New Frontier program the “Jew frontier.”

…This isn’t just beyond the pale — it’s probably the most significant major-media endorsement of American fascist ideology since the 1930s.

I don’t even have the words to describe how angry this makes me. It’d be one thing if he was just some crazy nut job with a website, but the fact that he’s on the goddamn radio talking about this shit. Further, I find it totally ironic that he would accuse the current government of fascism and all that, only to then promote and publicize it.

But what I find most amazing is that he gets away with this. Every single day I read about the latest crazy thing that Beck has done so it all sort of blends together, but come on – how is this one not the worst ever?

In an epically epic rant on his Fox News show today, Glenn Beck said the following:

Do you remember what happened right after 9/11 with Rudy Giuliani? Do you remember Saudi Arabia came and said, we want to help. This guy [pointing at Prince Alwaleed bin Talal al-Saud] came over and said ‘I want to give you a $10 million dollar check.’ Rudy Giuliani said, you see that over there? I don’t think we want your help. You already sent us help. And you flew that help into the plane, into the the trade centers.

Now see, the funny part is that, according to Wikipedia, that prince owns 7% of News Corp – the company that owns Fox News. Way to bite the hand that feeds there. God I hope someone smacks him down for this.

It’s pretty safe to say I’m a big NIN fan. I’ve been listening for eleven years now and have seen Trent Reznor live five times. I may not fap over his music the way some people *cough*ETS*cough* do, but overall I like his sound.

Anyway, his new group, comprised of him, his wife Mariqueen, and Atticus Ross released their new EP today. Six tracks, free to download. And honestly? I didn’t really like it. Overall, the mood of the album is dark and beat-heavy. It’s all slowed down and laid back; when I listen to it I get this image of emo kids having sex… or cutting themselves. Maybe both, I don’t know.

I think more than anything, though, the album is just forgettable. There are no tracks that really stand out, no interesting hooks or anything like that. I suppose BBB could end up being an anthem of sorts to annoying teens, what with its repeated line of “Listen to the sound of my big black boots”. Clever lyrics!

Although nothing in particular is excellent, I do like some parts of some tracks. There’s a bunch of glitching sounds in The Believers, and the beat to Fur Lined is pretty reminiscent of NIN’s Only (from With Teeth). I think I would have liked the album a bit more if it had been just an instrumental and they had swapped out the vocals for more weird stuff.

I know that HTDA is its own group and not connected to NIN directly, but you can’t help but draw comparisons, especially when you can hear influences from the latter. I guess there’s potential here, and of course I’ll keep my eye on it – but I’ll still be waiting for more of what Trent Reznor does best.

And just as a side note, I’m marginally pissed that they have a boatload of shirts for sale on their site, including a limited edition T-shirt for $50. That cash gets you a “handmade silkscreened hand-numbered with a custom HDTA tag” shirt, whatever that is. A band releases six tracks and you sell a shirt for $50? Did I miss something?