It was recently announced that Ubi is planning to do a film adaptation of Assassin’s Creed. As movies based on games tend to be totally perfectly cast, here are my predictions as to who they’ll tap. Hell, I’ll write this for both AC1 and AC2:

• Desmond Miles: Shia Lebouf. Gotta start this thing off on the right foot! And he’s such a great actor.
  Runners up: Chris Evans; Michael Cera.
• Lucy Stillman: Angelina Jolie. I mean, yeah, maybe Lucy was voiced and looked like Kristen Bell, but we can change that. This role involves running!
  Runners up: Megan Fox; Natalie Portman.
• Altair: Jake Gyllenhaal.  That guy can act, right? He’s already played one brown guy from that part of the world, surely he can do it again.
  Runners up: Shia Lebouf; The Rock.
• Al Mualim: Mark Strong. Name one time where Mark Strong played anything other than the bad guy. … Right, exactly.
  Runners up: Nicolas Cage.
• Warren Vidic: Matthew Fox. Take away all that good karma he got from Lost and what’s left? An evil scientist.
  Runners up: Michael Emerson.
• Ezio Auditore: Jay Baruchel. Did you see his performance in that one movie? Or that other one?
  Runners up: Jesse Eisenberg, Justin Bartha.
• Rodrigo Borgia: Robert Downey, Jr. Already the greatest actor of all time, here’s his chance to play the antagonist.
  Runners up: Jeremy Irons.
• Cesare Borgia: Ralph Fiennes. Sure, why not. I don’t even know.
• Leonardo da Vinci: Nicolas Cage. Now here’s a good actor who can pull off the Italian accent necessary for this role.
• Shaun Hastings: Russell Brand. He’s our comedic relief to the otherwise serious story.
  Runners up: Dominic Monaghan.
• Rebecca Crane: Eliza Dushku. She can pretend like she can use a computer, I think.
  Runners up: Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Oh man, I hope even half of these are true. Imagine the money I’ll rake in from this bet!

Most people who use the Internet in some capacity are aware of what a weeaboo is, but for those who don’t, it’s basically someone who’s obsessed with Japanese culture. Anime, manga, some sort of incorrect image of old glorious Japan – these are the sort of things they go crazy for. If you’ve ever seen a picture of some white kids with an anime messenger bag, a Dragonball Z T-shirt and are trying to use words like kawaii or neko in their sentences, those are weeaboos. You can go look them up on Dramatica or something if you really want to, but you may go insane.

Anyway, as it turns out there’s a group that’s actually worse than the weeaboos. I don’t have a term for it, but it’s basically people who are obsessed with Irish culture. My girlfriend and I have been taking a basic class on the Irish language, and the people in the class are horrendous – far worse than those in our Japanese class. It’s funny how you can change the subject of a class but the people pretty much stay the same. There’s the one or two overly zealous people that chime in all the time because they know Irish from that guy at that bar; the guy who doesn’t say much but then out of nowhere goes on a ten minute tangent and tries to prove the teacher wrong; and of course, the deer caught in headlights.

It probably has to do with them having a cultural connection that others don’t have with Japanese. Someone’s mother or family was from County Mayo or County Cork or something like that – so that means that they have to reconnect with that culture somehow. It’s funny how these people instantly start using the term ‘we’ (i.e. inclusively) to describe ‘the Irish’. Learning how to properly pronounce “céad míle fáilte” or how to say “I’m drunk” in Irish doesn’t grant you that right. Similarly, that doesn’t mean that you get to blather on about the one part of Irish culture you read about on Wikipedia.

Urgh.

So the other morning I was on the train and saw a guy that had a tattoo that said 有限会社.

In Japanese, this means “limited company” – like an LLC or something. I don’t even know..